World Class Chef to World Class Dad or How to Change your Profession and still be Happy

I was standing in my kitchen today, cooking. J was in his little seat on the counter watching my every move. K and N were napping. I put Steely Dan on the stereo and I started thinking. Cooking gives me the opportunity to do that. It always has had that kind of soothing meditative quality for me. I can just get inside my head and create. I have always loved that about this art. It's like, somehow, the chaos of the kitchen and the incredible amount of multi tasking forces me to become more centered on the inside to be able to keep it all in perspective. Anyone who has worked in a professional kitchen knows what I mean.
I was making J some baby food. I thought to myself, I have cooked in some amazing places and restaurants and have cooked for many famous and not so famous people. Somehow, none of that seems as gratifying as cooking my little man his food. I felt as if I had trained my whole life to be able to make the perfect peas, applesauce and sweet potatoes to nourish this amazing little person. I remember feeling this way when I was making K's baby food too. It is such a simple thing and yet it gives me great satisfaction knowing I am helping them to grow healthy and strong.
I am asked all the time why on earth I would give up being a Chef that took me all over the world and allowed me to meet and cook for some really interesting people, to be an insurance agent. Yeah, I wonder that too sometimes. But the answer has always been the same simple answer that I always give. So I can be there for my wife and kids. At the end of the day, they are more important to me than any job could be. Insurance allows me to be around for them in the evenings and weekends and holidays. After all, what would I have without being a big part of their lives? I wouldn't want to miss out on any more than absolutely necessary. Has it always been a dream of mine to work in the insurance industry studying risk and so on? of course not. But it is interesting and pays well enough and allows me to be home with my little family. That is where the true happiness lies. Well, when my wife and I aren't wanting to kill each other anyway. :)
I am also asked all the time, do I miss it? The answer is yes. I miss the pace, believe it or not, and the people and the satisfaction you get when the night is finished and everyone is full of good food and happy. The sense of accomplishment you get from knowing there is no putting off anything until tomorrow. You have to put it all on the table each night. (Pardon the pun)

But, do I miss it more than I would miss hearing K's little feet running through the house when I get home? More than hearing her say "father bear(sometimes Daddy), you're hoooooome!" as she wraps her arms around my legs and looks up into my eyes with that gorgeous smile? More than seeing J's big blue eyes light up when I walk into the room and seeing his chubby cheeks ball up in a big toothless grin?
NO WAY.
That is where the happiness lies. In each new adventure.

OK, maybe not world class, but a guy can dream can't he?

V day

Well, it's V day at my house.

yep, Vasectomy. I have been trying not to think to much about it since I made the decision about a month or so ago. It is hard not to think about it. I know it's the right decision for many reasons. some of them selfish and some practical and some just thoughtful. I have been very blessed to have both a boy and a girl. And yet, when I look at K and J, I can't help but feel a little apprehensive about going through with. It's strange, but knowing you don't want any more kids and making sure it doesn't happen are two different things. It's like I am taking away the potential for any more children. It makes me kind of sad, because I love them so much it makes me want to have a dozen more. I used to ask my mother why she had so many of us. It was the 70's and birth control was readily available. She would say that she loved babies. Now I get it. I know, they aren't teenagers yet, so it's easy to say I want more. It also makes me feel guilty because I know many people can't have any or can't have anymore. It's not fair that I can make this kind of decision when they don't have the choice or option. I still feel it is the right decision for me and my family. So, I'll see you on the other side............

Wow, I am back. Slightly more sterile than before. It wasn't nearly as bad as I had imagined it in my head. A bit strange having a conversation with a doctor who literally has you by the balls. :) Really, a bit strange being awake altogether. But relatively painless. Now I just feel kind of sore, Like I have these two aching softballs between my legs. Thanks Kelly for the frozen peas. I will get them back to you ASAP:)

my little slice of heaven

Imagine this.
It's 68 degrees on a lovely sunny Friday afternoon. I take the afternoon off work for a little daddy daughter time. N and J are out of town for a couple of days. We get back to the house and I open up all the windows. K starts playing on the deck. I put on some Dylan and turn it up. After dancing a while with K in the living room she goes back to playing on the deck. I sit down in the sun room and watch her play while Dylan takes me back to my childhood, filled with wonder and discovery. I smile thinking about my kids, and the adventures to come.

Nice huh?

I wish everyday was like that.

What a weekend

wow, it started as just a regular weekend with nothing much planned. A visit from friends and some more unpacking/hanging pictures etc in the new house. Then, out of nowhere some major milestones. Well, at least in my mind.

We fed J some sweet potatoes. this was his first meal that wasn't milk or single grain cereal. I make my own baby food. It's pretty easy and it makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I am doing something healthy for them. You know, no preservatives and all the vitamins aren't cooked out of them. Anyway, N made milk for them for the first several months of their lives and now it's my turn. you know? It feels good. Plus I can give them a much wider variety. K ate Rudabegas before she was one. Look it up. It really is a vegetable. I like to think this is why she is a good eater and willing to try just about anything. The reality is that I am probably just lucky that my kids aren't picky. Well, at least K. I don't know about J, but he seemed to like the sweet potatoes. Later, I will make some carrots and Butternut squash. You have to start slow with these things. You can't just throw Rutabegas and Beets and Turnips at them all at once. So, that was the first milestone. A planned one. pretty neat just the same.

Then, K and J and I were sitting on the couch Saturday night watching little bear before bed. Little bear is K's favorite cartoon, although I think Pooh is catching up. K did something silly and it struck J's funny bone. He started giggling at her. She then started Cheesing it up for him to make him laugh. He got the belly laughs so hard his whole little body was shaking on my lap. This made K laugh too. Not the fake laugh she sometimes gets to make him laugh more, but the genuine can't help yourself laugh. The infectious kind. We aren't talking cocktail party laughs here. No, we are talking the make your face hurt kind. Pretty soon we are all laughing so hard we aren't sure we can stop. We forgot all about the cartoon and just enjoyed each other laughing for the next 5 minutes or so. It was really nice to know our kids genuinely like each other. I thought, man, I hope we can do this often. then, today we were in the car on our way out to get some dinner. N and I were talking a bit and the kids were riding along in the back. K was pointing out her usual shapes as we rode. I see an octagon daddy. Yep, me too, it's red. etc. Then she announces that J is Talking to her, and I can hear J giggling in the back. She starts having this conversation with him and I thought about how nice it was that they are starting to have this relationship between them. It just all of a sudden happened. before, She would ask where he was and she was generally aware of him but that was just about it. Now, suddenly, she is interacting with him on a whole new level. Amazing. And we didn't even have to do anything to prompt it. their capacity for learning and loving is mind numbing. J is absolutely in love with her. He follows her wherever she goes in the room with his eyes. It is so nice to see this happening for them. It's like they are laying this incredible foundation for a partnership that will last them forever. I remember having that kind of bond with my sisters. really cool. We are still close to this day and often reminisce about our times together as kids. Great milestone, not expected.

Then, the 'piece de resistance'. The words you always wanted to hear. You knew the day would come, or at least you hoped the day would come. The words every daddy wants to hear over and over again. Not the words that come after prompting. Not the automatic response to your words. No, you want the out of the blue, totally spontaneous, unsolicited words to come spilling from your childs' mouth...............

So, we are out on the deck on this, the first really beautiful day of spring in 2008. our first day on the deck of our new and wonderful house. We weren't doing much. Just hanging out and enjoying the sunshine. K had helped me plant some raspberry bushes earlier. she is a very good helper and wants to help with everything. I stood up to go inside to get something and K looks up at me and says........"I love you daddy". Nothing more and nothing less. I stood there for a moment and then mustered a pretty choked up "I love you too honey". N looked at me stunned and asked if that was the first time she had done that. It was. I was tearing up as I went into the house for whatever I was after. How sweet is that? Big unexpected milestone. I have been smiling since.

At dinner I couldn't help but wonder as I sat there watching my little family eating their pizza, how could I have gotten so lucky to have such a wonderful life with these great people.

The First One-Part Two

I will probably start with K. I am a pretty calm, level headed guy who doesn't usually get flustered by most situations. My daughter, however, has somehow managed to have the ability to keep me on my toes and it started from the very beginning.................



my wife had been reminding me for several weeks to pack my things for the hospital. I was systematically brushing her off (read ignoring her) since I had plenty of time before our due date. After all I had four weeks. sure I did.

I awakened at 1 AM on August 5th because my wifes arm fell onto my chest from about two stories up. I was a bit startled since I had just fallen into a deep sleep. We used to go to sleep regularly after Leno. You remember him. He took over for Johnny Carson. Yeah, it's hard to remember adult TV now that Little bear and Doodlebops consume nearly all the airwaves. Anyway, she announced that her water had just broken and jumped up to go to the bathroom. I am already up, having about jumped through the roof from the hit and announcement. I am just sort of staring wide eyed trying to figure out what is going on. You know, like the way your kids look when they aren't sure where they are or what's going on after a good sleep. I asked N what we should do since she was the one who was up to date on all the literature. I was a week or two behind since we had so much time before the baby came. of course, she had no idea. after a few minutes of cleaning it occured to me that we could page the on call doctor. N didn't want to wake them up or bother them. she is so thoughtful. I convinced her that we should since we had no idea what to do aside from cleaning up the mess.
the doctor asked why we weren't already on the way to the hospital to which we replied that we had an appt to see the dr. in the morning and couldn't we wait until then. Looking back I am not sure we should have even been having children. it turns out they wanted us there 5 minutes ago which immediately sent me into a panic. where was the battery for the camera and video recorder. why wasn't I prepared. why didn't I have the batteries charged already. this made N start laughing since I don't usually display this kind of madness and panic. She then announces that she has told me on more than one occasion to pack so I wouldn't have to do this under duress. needless to say, she was right, but I had so much time to do that later. Except for the fact that K seems to do things in her own time, in her own way, regardless of my silly little plans.
well, we made it to the hospital and things were fine. well, she was breach, but the Drs. were in charge so I was calm. Are you noticing a pattern here with my daughter. Yeah, she is a lot like my wife. I actually laugh at them out loud sometimes when they are butting heads because they are so much alike. Anyway, things seemed to be going pretty normal and our C-section was underway. 10 minutes they said, and she would be out. I could take pictures and cut the cord. I was looking forward to it. K has some other ideas. She changed her mind. She wasn't coming out. They tried grabbing her by the shoulders and she would shift. They tried by the rear and she would slide away again. The anesthesiologist is standing over my wife's head pushing down on her belly so baby girl would pop out. The nurse is calling for more surgeons to come in STAT. Blood's flying. I am strangely calm at this point. 15 minutes. Loopy girl is asking " is everything going alright". yes honey, it's fine.
Suddenly, I am wondering how we are going to deal with this if things keep going south. We tried so hard for so long to get here. Ughhh. All of a sudden I am brought back to reality when two people go rushing past with a grey lifeless baby in there hands. 20 minutes?

Everything went silent and I was unaware of anything going on around me except for the sight of my baby. I was vaguely aware of N asking if she was ok, but it seemed very far away and dreamy. I watched for what seemed like hours but was probably only about thirty seconds. Yeah, pause for thirty seconds and think about your baby not breathing. It's a long time isn't it? K is definately on her own schedule at this point. suddenly and without warning I hear the most beautiful scream there ever was. She was apparently very pissed that we took her from her warm and dark little den and was letting us know it. I loved it. It sounded so good to me and healthy and I thought, ok, it's going to be alright. her APGAR(sp.) score went from a 1 to I think 8 in 5 minutes. good enough for me. Now if N will be ok we are golden. She was not in the best shape from all the activity and lost a lot of blood. Turns out she is fine. I think I can safely say that now after 2.5 years. I am told that babies store O2 for the birthing process and that is why the 30 seconds or so didn't matter. Would have been nice if the books would mention that. Well, they might. I was, after all, two weeks behind. oops. But we had four weeks to go before the due date. Mmmm Hmmm. Not in "K" time.
The Next solid hour I spent with K. She was sleeping in her little warmer with her entire hand wrapped around my finger. I was amazed at how little she was. her hand fit exactly around half of my index finger. She had a good grip though. Strong girl. I like that. I have been wrapped around hers ever since.
.........and so it began.

The First One

welcome to my blog. I have to have a first one and I wanted it to be thoughtful and interesting. I have been inspired and encouraged by some other folks' blogs that I have read and wanted to start out strong.Then I realized that was a lot of pressure for the first one. The truth is, I have a lot I want to say and I am not sure where to start. I feel like I am about two and a half years behind since that is how old K is. Sorry K, daddy didn't know how to do this. I am not sure it could have even been done back then. Technology seems to change as fast as you do right now. Certainly faster than me. I just figured out how to text. I suppose that by the time you and J can read this, texting will probably be as antiquated as eight track tapes are now. (you'll have to ask me about this one).
anyway, I will probably start at the beginning. I was born in a small midwest........... ok not that beginning.
I will probably start with K. I am a pretty calm, level headed guy who doesn't usually get flustered by most situations. My daughter, however, has somehow managed to have the ability to keep me on my toes and it started from the very beginning.................
check back for the rest of this story. it's late and I must sleep.